You can't always avoid the narcissists in your world but you certainly can adopt strategies to protect yourself from these emotional vampires and their toxic behaviors. Here's a brief list to protect yourself.
- Red Flags: Getting to understand that a person is a narcissist can take alot of time. So be careful as you get to know someone. There's a fine line between trust and distrust. Proceed with caution and pay attention to the red flags. Be on the lookout for love bombing and being someone's supply house for admiration. It's ok to ask people about their intentions with you and if that relationship has a mutual admiration and respect for one another. Make sure that person has your best interests at heart...and their actions match their words. Typically a narcissist's ego will start to "stick out" with a constant need for admiration, achievements and exaggerations. Use the knowledge of what you know about narcissistic behavior to gauge whether this person is "for real" or not.
- Watch how they behave with other people. Do they always display "the tough guy" and never empathize with others situations. Beware of the individual who tells you when you are going through a hard time by telling you "Just get over it" or tells you "you're too sensitive".
- Beware of Manipulation and Control: Behaviors may come off as passive aggressive at first and barely detectable as a form of manipulation. The best observation is how they communicate in their primary relationships outside of getting to know you. They may use guilt trips, lies of emotional blackmail to get what they want.... and those are behaviors leading up to gaslighting which is an outright denial of truth that has occurred. Their favorite phrase is "that did not happen...you're making this up."
- They will only have superficial relationships and no one is too close to them. Pay attention to their genuine connections and how they prioritize their appearances in public.
- They will have a need for drama. And drama can include situations that appear charming and loving and then twisting that situation to their benefit.
Just remember that handling a narcissist takes some awesome self care. A few pointers to remember are:
- Always go with your gut instinct. It's never wrong.
- Stay vigilant online! Many narcs hide behind their computers and determining the level of which they are narcissists can be difficult. When in doubt ask a trusted friend to "double check" you.
- Set boundaries- Limit contact: If unavoidable, go grey rock and maintain emotional distance. Avoid eye contact
- Keep your private life private. Don't divulge too much info about yourself.
- Don't engage! Charge neutral. Go forward with a non-chalance and keep things light. The deeper you go with a narcissist the harder you will take the hit later.
- Prioritize your well-being, don't feel obligated to fulfill their unreasonable requests.
- Seek support: Build a strong support system of trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can offer advice and emotional refuge.
I know the old saying goes that you can't change anyone only the way you respond to them is over used. But it is True! By strategically planning communication with a Narcissist of someone you know who may be an Narcissist with these coping mechanisms will help you.
Please also remember that narcissism is on a scale of severity. Your response and how you handle this individual will be a case by case basis.
And last of all.. remember that you are not a narcissistic supply house for those emotional vampires to prey upon.