However, individuals think that the discard phase is when the Narcissist discards you and that is only one time. Not So! The Narcissist will discard you in ways throughout your relationship.
So if they say they are going to leave you and get all dramatic saying they want divorce, want to break up and then storm out. I highly doubt they will leave such you since you are the main person for the Narcissistic Supply.
Have you ever wondered why a Narcissist will blow up at you, threaten divorce, breaking up and sometimes leave and say they are never coming back? Then the next day they come back to you like nothing ever happened.
That is a mini-discard. The mini discard can happen for years. Which also feeds into the slow erosion of your own character. More than likely, you are the one who will have to do the "leaving" in the relationship.
In a larger sense when a Narcissist is TRULY done with you. True discard will feel alittle bit different. As an empath, you will have to figure out if they are discarding your for good or doing a mini-discard because you have somehow interrupted their supply for their addiction.
The mini discard is not spoken about very much. I think the mini discard should get more attention. These acts of micro-aggression are equally as terrifying as the final blow.
The concept of "hoovering" is in the same realm as mini-discards.
The sad part about it is that when a Narcissist discards you, many Echoists want their Narcissist to return. The Narc gives them the perfect opportunity to leave but yet Echoists don't have the courage to follow through.
If a Narcissist gives you the opportunity to leave and they discard you or leave the door open to discard you... take the chance and run! However, I understand that is easier said then done. Because you need to prepare to leave a Narcissist. That is why it's so important to have a plan in place when the the Narcissist of the house decides to open the door for you to leave.
Perhaps this will make you feel better. The statistic for leaving abuse is low. Usually an individual makes on the average seven attempts before they leave. If I can put this into another perspective which might help: If someone you loved was in the same position as you were, would you want them to experience all the abuse that you experienced. If you put your kids in your place, would you want to see them abused.
There is no amount of convincing someone can do to help someone leave abuse. I understand that you will be ready when you are ready. But I do know that Knowledge is power and so is understanding. Each time you seek understanding online, watch a video, read this blog, that is a means to empower you. Little by little I hope that you can find your way out of the abuse and take one step forward.
Back to hoovering. It involves a series of behaviors aimed at rekindling the relationship, often after a period of no contact.
Here's a summary of hoovering and its impact:
Hoovering is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to regain control or re-engage with a former partner or someone they have discarded.
Purpose:
Narcissists use hoovering to:
- Reassert power and control
- Prevent loss of narcissistic supply
- Satisfy emotional needs
- Test boundaries
- Stoke insecurity
- Reaching out through phone calls, text messages, social media, or surprise visits
- Expressing affection, regret, or promises to change
- Playing the victim or guilt-tripping
- Triangulation with third parties
- Love bombing
Impact of Hoovering:
Hoovering can be damaging for victims of narcissistic abuse, as it can reignite feelings of hope and attachment, leading to confusion, self-doubt, and a cycle of abuse.
How to Protect Yourself from Hoovering:
- Recognize hoovering tactics
- Establish clear boundaries
- Seek support from trusted friends, family, or mental health professionals
Remember, you are not alone in your experience with hoovering. If you have been a victim of narcissistic abuse, seeking support from trusted individuals or mental health professionals can help you navigate these manipulative attempts and protect your emotional well-being.